


I'll Wait For You

by cyberlowlife



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Closeted Character, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Past Relationship(s), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 06:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberlowlife/pseuds/cyberlowlife
Summary: Richie waits to say I love you.





	I'll Wait For You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time really writing something like this, in first person and so emotional, so I'm sorry if it sucks, but please enjoy!

I don’t know what I expected to happen. That Eddie would stay single due to some gut feeling, some distant ache for a long lost love, like I did for the rest of his life? I should not be surprised that he has a wife, of course he has a wife. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, I’m being selfish. Just because we were attracted to each other as young hormonal teenagers doesn’t mean that we had to somehow wait for each other after we left town and forgot about everyone’s very existence.

Seeing the wedding ring on his finger makes my hands burn, my skin crawl- I tell myself it’s fear, nothing more nothing less- and turn away to crack some jokes. That’s right, hide behind the mask of comedy like you have your entire life. Don’t you dare remind him that hey, did you know that we were high school sweethearts, and that I was quite literally in love with you and have unknowingly waited my whole life for you, ruining all chances I had at a happy relationship? Hey, I could be happily married like the rest of you assholes, but instead I’m a bachelor, pining after a guy who moved on the second we left this shithole town.

“You look hot,” I comment to Ben. Not Eddie, never Eddie. He can’t know- why can’t he know? I see him look Ben up and down. I feel a thrill of pride shoot through me, because that looks like jealousy in his eyes for a split second. He twists that damn wedding ring, and I almost lose it. I’m so happy when we get our food. Any distraction from this hell that is my mind is welcome. Everyone talks about their lives; their partners, their jobs… I wait with baited breath for Eddie’s answer.

“I’m not in love,” he claims (is that a glance to me I see?), and his face seems to go pink. I shudder at the thrill that goes down my spine at that. What if he remembers us? We only dated for almost five years of our lives. And it’s neither of our faults that we left and broke apart. We wanted out of this town, and for some reason our parents were more than willing to leave. I remember the last time we saw each other, and my whole chest begins to ache. I can’t handle this. I want nothing more than to climb across this table and kiss him senseless.

I love him. I never stopped loving him. I can’t believe I would ever forget this feeling. It’s overpowering, it’s suffocating, it’s… it’s welcome. I should tell him, talk to him, before we all go killing ourselves trying to stop this clown… but I can’t. Because if we live, then I could never look him in the eyes again. Neither of us would forget, but we would never be able to be normal together. He has long since moved on. It’s just my curse, to fall head over heels for a guy who forgot me with the rest of his horrid past.

So I sit in silence. I ache, I watch his every move. It feels like I’m thirteen and feeling love for the first time all over again. It feels like this is my hell. This is Its big plan for me. I deal with the fact that my one and only love will never feel the same for me. I lost my chance when we left town without even a way to keep in contact.

This is for the best. But hey, if we win, maybe I’ll gain the courage to confess, right? Just to see. He seems to remember something. Loving me? Doubtful. Us? Possibly. He looks like he wants to talk to me, but we never get a second alone. This is my personal hell.

***

Henry Bowers stabbed Eddie. I saw so much blood and I thought this was it, he’d die from tetanus or some shit due to a rusty knife wound to the mouth. But he’s fine. We all clean him up and bandage the wound, and he’s back to joking and being an asshole in no time. All I want to do is kiss him, let him know that I’m here. Like sleeping beauty, my kiss would wake us up from this nightmare.

Of course, I didn’t do that.

***

We were so close to killing It. So fucking close. We were all hopeful, thinking maybe this small injury was enough to kill It.

Eddie’s hovering over me, there’s so much light in his eyes as he speaks. I’m going to kiss him. I need to kiss him. He looks elated. He looks beautiful. Ethereal, even, in the dim light of this cavern.

Then, his blood is spurting on my chest, my face, and I’m seconds away from throwing up and- oh my god, he’s impaled. I’m in shock, as he looks down at me and whispers my name, and I wish I could turn back the clock.

I refuse to leave him. I give him my jacket, to stop the bleeding, and oh god I want nothing more than to tell him that I love him, to kiss away his last breath, no matter how selfish that sounds. But I don’t, because everyone’s watching, because Eddie will make it out of this, and I can just tell him then, when he’s in the hospital, all patched up and smiling.

I stay with him for as long as I can, until the rest of the losers need me for sure. I don’t want to leave him. What if he dies while I’m gone? Except he won’t, because he’s stronger than that and we are going to make it out of here alive. I’ll tell him then.

***

I refuse to believe he isn’t here. I refuse to believe that his life is gone from his eyes. This can’t be real. One last fuck you from It, Eddie will come back soon. But he doesn’t, and it hits me that I will never get the chance to let him know just how much I loved him. I will never get to kiss him again. I know I’m crying, I’m hysterical, but I can’t stop.

I clutch at him, his jacket, his shirt, while everyone begs me to leave him so we can escape.

I kiss him, but it’s all wrong. He’s cold, he’s unresponsive. He doesn’t laugh like he used to, or grab at my shirt, or anything. But I kiss him until Mike and Bill, I think, pull me away.

We barely escape with our lives, and I scream Edward Kaspbrak’s name to the world as his body, the husk of who he was, the husk of the man I love, is buried forever underneath the house that once held all of our nightmares.

I love you, and I always will.


End file.
